The Real ‘Not Usually Spoken About’ Deal on Forgiveness

Here’s how people usually teach forgiveness:
They start by telling you to go get a piece of paper
or an entire legal pad, depending on how pissed-off at everyone you are.
Then they say, sit down
and write why everyone you’re mad at was such an asshole
how this makes you feel, why you now forgive them and so on.
Then they’ll tell you
let go of all your angry hurt feelings
by doing something symbolic
like going outside and burning the bloody thing.
(Except they don’t usually swear or say ‘asshole’).
But here’s what I reckon instead:
Go get the pad of paper.
Sit down (still the same so far)
but then before you do anything
think about all the time you could waste
writing in it.
Because here’s the thing
if you really want to move on
‘let go’ and all that
then you should know
there’s nothing to forgive.
In fact, thinking there’s something to forgive
is completely misunderstanding forgiveness
in the first place.
There is nothing to forgive
since your experiences are your gifts.
And anyway
we all do our best
all of the time
with the resources and understandings
we have.
As in all of us.
Everyone.
You and me and all the people you were about to write to.
I mean, what are you going to forgive them for –
doing their best?
If you want to let go of  something
try abandoning the idea
someone did something to you.
They didn’t.
Most likely they just did something to themselves
and you got caught up in it.

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