In our household, we have a name for that thing you do when you walk right up to the next step you know you need to take, and then, you do something else first.
We call it – “A trip to the bank.”
You’re about to drive to an audition or send out your first email newsletter or call about an art exhibition and instead, what do you do, you drive to the bank, in rush hour traffic, across the other side of town. Thus jeopardizing the thing you actually need to do.
(Based on actual events)
How to tell if you’re taking a trip to the bank
Amidst your mind’s constant-incessant-never-ending-ongoing chatter it can be hard to tell if the new thing you’ve just thought of doing, is a trip to the bank or just a sensible adjustment to the plan.
Are you improving your position thus improving your chance of success or are you being a scaredy pants?
The truth of it all is, it’s easy to give in to your fear and never do “the thing.” So easy, that many people spend their whole life doing it. They never take the leap.
There’s a project I’ve been working towards for over 6 months. It’s crunch time. Time to send it off. But wait, I need to do more to this section. Don’t I?
Honest to God, I can’t tell if I’m taking a trip to the bank or not.
So I asked my husband. He’s not sure either.
Then I asked my sister. Who thinks I possibly am but doesn’t really know either.
The best way to tell, is to sit quietly and see what you feel in your gut. Your gut isn’t afraid. It knows when to jump and when to keep working.
Because here’s what I know
Your mind is afraid of change
There is nothing you can do to change this. It’s the nature of the mind. Your mind will always be afraid of leaping into something it can’t visualize; into something new.
Though from experience the more times you leap despite your mind being terrified, the easier it gets . . .
Think of it like riding a roller coaster. Flying around a small track at high speed is scary, but you know it’ll be ok. You’re strapped in so tight you can hardly turn around. If you die the engineer looses his job, and you know he doesn’t want that.
Leaping into new thing when it feels like a good thing to do is not only safe, but it’s what life is about. It’s how you get where you want to go. Otherwise you’d just keep doing the same thing over and over.
And really what’s the worst that can happen?
At some point you have to jump.
Expect it to be scary. And trust the engineer. (Looking heavenward)
Are you Taking a Trip to the Bank?
Is there something that you feel is a good idea to do, but you’ve decided you can’t do it until something else happens?
Until you’ve cleaned out your closet?
Or built a new website?
Lost weight or bought a new dress?
Okay. Now. Ask yourself, is this really true? Can you do “the thing” now? Is it possible?? Because your mind will try and convince you to do every other thing than the thing it’s really scared of.
And sometimes when this happens, it’s better to just JUMP!
Just saying.
Want to share a leap you’re considering taking?
I’d love to hear from you and I’m sure others would too.
I know that so many readers of this blog are in the middle of navigating either tough times or big life changes of one sort or another. And I don’t know about you but I love hearing about other people being brave.
And being brave is not always about “doing something” – sometimes the bravest thing you can do is curl up and accept how things are, knowing they won’t always be this way.
Sometimes hunkering down is the leap. Stopping trying. Trusting the flow of life.
What’s your leap and is there something you think you need to do first, before you do the thing you really want to do?
Here’s mine:
THE LEAP: Sending out my book proposal to find a suitable literary agent and/or publisher for a series of books I want to write, including 7 Secrets.
POSSIBLE TRIP TO THE BANK: Making changes to one of the sections. Again.
SOLUTION: A compromise. My mind wants another week, I’m going to give it two days. Wish me luck! (I’m writing this on the 4th AUGUST 2013. I’ll let you know how it goes.)
What’s yours!!??
Thanks for adding in that sometimes doing nothing is taking the leap. I’m not sure if my inaction is the leap (of faith), or the trip to the bank (avoiding what might be an eventual/inevitable break up). Love and relationships are a difficult thing to know when is it really over and time to move on vs. when is it a challenge you’ll get thru together if you hold on and ride it out.
Doesn’t seem like a “trip to the bank” to me. Not knowing, and accepting you don’t know, always strikes me as the most kind and ultimately sensible thing. Letting the clarity come when it’s ready – and being loving and kind to yourself and your partner amidst the confusion of not knowing what lies ahead. The very best of wishes to you, and thanks for stopping by:)
Thank you, as always for your insight & quirky intelligence. Love your stuff
Hi Mo, and thank you. It’s my pleasure:)
I hope you sent it in on your 2-day deadline (or in a week, just so long as it was sent ;). I know you will find an agent. I love your work. I will buy the book! Mark my words. Thanks for the inspiration and friendly reminders to not let our monkey minds rule. xoxo
Great entry as always -your husband sounds a good support. “feel the fear and do it anyway” is the crunch of it. I would buy your book and buy friends copies too.
love your stuff.
chris sharp xx
Yes. Feel the fear, but also, beware of blocks you put up that might not seem like blocks. The mind is very sneaky I find! And yes, he’s a great support! I’m very fortunate. You’ll be seeing more of him probably as we’ve some joint projects coming up. Thanks for your note! Lisa
Another insightful commentary on the mind! I love your comments and deductions about the mind’s tricks & habits. It makes me feel more connected to know others feel this way too, and most importantly that it’s normal. Looking forward to the book. Good luck!
Thanks Akea:) And yes, its the same for all of us!
I’ve wanted to start a youtube channel to accompany my blog for almost a year now, I kept putting it off until I had everything I thought I needed – new camera, mic, editing software etc. Now that I have them I keep finding new reasons not to go for it. I don’t know whether this is because it’s just not my time yet (emotional & family problems) or if these excuses are ‘a trip to the bank’ and taking on this new venture might actually help to see me through the troubles. /: I’m just a worrier, I doubt and judge myself until I’m an emotional wreck. I want to overcome this, I know my thoughts aren’t my authentic self but still they hold me back. Woe is me.
Hi Kayleigh! It really can be so hard to tell if we’re procrastinating, or the excuse is valid. For what it’s worth, and knowing only what you’ve shared here, my guess is the best thing to do is take the leap. You said it yourself in the first sentence – “I’ve wanted to start a youtube channel for a year.” And frankly, this kind of thing is scary. Another layer of putting yourself out there. But if you had an urge, then the urge probably knows best. It won’t be perfect, but video isn’t about being perfect, it’s about sharing yourself in a different way with your peeps. I bet they’ll love it!! Your mind might freak out and worry for a while, but it’ll get over it! I say, go for it! Lisa XX
Your blogs always give me the little boost I need and give my gut the ‘told you so, everythings gonna be fine’ type of feeling when times are tumulus. Best of luck to your book, I will definitely be anticipating that one! Roisin 🙂
Thanks Roisin, I love that my posts resonate with the “I told you everything’s going to be fine” voice in your gut. Your gut is very wise. XX Lisa
Hey Lisa,
Thanks for your inspiring words, again :-).
Let me tell you about my leap… I’m a journalist and writer so I write articles and books about nature and I love it, it’s the true thing I have always needed and wanted to do. Here’s the thing. I feel like I should write a novel. I know I have it me. I even have the story in my head and started to write a page or two. But I constantly have my mind telling me “concentrate on the type of writing you’re good at, you need to earn money, you’re not economically stable yet”. So I keep telling myself I should save one hour a day for the writing of the novel. But I don’t. Because I have no idea (or rather my mind has no idea 😉 whether it will published and I feel like my time and energy should be spent on more rational and short-term gain work. So I take a tript to the bank thinking “when I will have enough money so I can spend 6 months working on that novel only, I will write it”. Just writing it to you I see how silly that is and how my mind controls my thoughts ;-). Because I know that the best lies in the unknown, I’ve lived it many times. To me, writing a novel is THE act of writing and I guess I’m scared of realizing I’m not that kind of writer. But I should take the chance anyway and find out. Even if I’m the worst novelist ever, at least I will have tried. That will be my victory. Thanks Lisa. thanks for asking what our own leap is. I said it all and I feel more empowered. By the way, did you finally send your book proposal?
Yay! One page at a time! Especially if it feels like something you want to do. But I totally know what you mean about coming up with reasons to put it off – there’s something about writing fiction that’s scary too I reckon, not knowing quite where the story is going to end up. But on the other side, it’s thrilling. (Have you read Stephen King’s book “On Writing”.) Anyway, thanks for stopping by this morning, best wishes and have fun!!
(I did send my book proposal to an agent. He suggested we (my husband and I are writing it) write it in a different style. And that’s what we’ve been doing, and, just as it happens, we finished it over the weekend.)
Thanks for your reply. I have read Bird by bird on the same subject and I keep stumbling on the Stephen King’s book you’re mentioning. So it’s prabably a sign I should read it! Good luck with your own book!
Thanks! And do you know you’re the second person to mention Bird by Bird recently – in fact I’ve just picked a copy up from the library. Can’t wait to dive in. Yeah, Stephen King’s book is kind of delightful.
Hi Lisa,
This is my very first post on your website, even though I’ve read a whole lot of your articles, and I just want to kick it off by saying that I’m so incredibly happy that I stumbled upon your articles. I really look forward to Tuesdays now, to see which new “words of magic” I’ll find in my inbox. I am so thankful for people like you, as it seems that you always write exactly about the stuff that I’m dealing with at that particular time and you always use exactly those words that make me feel better. So thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
Then, about my trip to the bank 🙂 Just a little background information first: I work for a pharmaceutical company for about 6 to 7 years now. I like my job, or more specifically I like my colleagues, the flexibility and variety my job offers me and I like the fact that I have a good salary by doing this. I do however notice that since I got more into “the spiritual thing” about a year ago, I find it harder and harder to justify for myself what I am doing there at work. There are so many rules and procedures, for the tiniest things and sometimes I am sure a procedure was created just for the name of it, and I can’t help but thinking that that’s not what life is about. All that stuff doesn’t matter. And so I find myself having to motivate me more and more to do this job (fortunately I have great colleagues, which make it a pleasure to be at work).
Last week I read your article about listening to your hunches. I decided to step up and to listen to one of my hunches, which I discovered a few weeks ago, i.e. following a Thai massage course. I travelled to Thailand last December and experienced heaven during a Thai body massage in Bangkok, and since that moment it kept playing in the back of my head that I wanted to be able to do that too. So I searched for courses in my country, but none went through because there were too few students to enter the course. After a thorough search on the web, I found a course organized in a neighboring country, but it was quite expensive. And that’s were you come in 🙂 It’s like my soul, from the inside, was shouting that I should take that course, but my mind kept saying that it costs so much money. So I thought about listening to my hunches and decided to just “jump”. I subscribed to the course and had my first weekend of classes just this past weekend and it was GREAT. I really felt like I was somehow where I belonged, I was on my path. I almost cried out of happiness on my way back home 🙂
I really want to continue exploring this path, I want to make a living out of doing something I love, so I was thinking that I could go work half time at the job I am now and then combine this with Thai massages when I have finished the course, practiced enough and find myself capable enough to do so. But there’s one small voice inside me that wants to start working half time now already, so I have all the other time left to read and learn and practice and to just have time for myself, time to live, time for passion. But then again, I need to earn enough money to pay rent, to be able to follow (expensive) courses, etc… I always said to myself that, I soon as I have kids and I can afford it, I would work less to be able to spend time with my kids. But maybe I shouldn’t wait until I have kids and spend time with myself first 🙂 Aaaaah, I’m thinking too much again! I don’t know if this is a trip to the bank, I just felt like sharing this with you. For some reason 🙂
Hi Jolien, thanks so much for your note and sharing your story!
How wonderful that you know what you want to do and that you’re doing it. For what it’s worth, one of my favorite ideas I find helpful when I’m not sure what to do, is practicing being comfortable being confused, not knowing what to do next. For dealing with these times I also find it helpful to remember there isn’t a right way and a wrong way, like it’s not there’s some path we’re either on or off.
Also I wouldn’t assume that if you feel moved to take things more slowly it’s a “trip to the bank.” It might just be how you feel inclined to do things. I would say, go easy on yourself and see what bubbles up.
Thanks again for saying hi! Lovely to connect and I look forward to hearing the next installment! Love Lisa.
Hi Lisa, thank you for your writings they certainly make me think (in a good way).
I am trying to return overseas to be with my partner, deep down I know this is where I want to be. When I came back ‘home’ a number of things happened and I seem to have jumped right back into the mum role taking on all the responsibilities as well as my own. I know that I am currently looking at things as “okay I’ll get a job help out, finish paying off my own stuff and when I’m financially able….I’ll fly back” (perhaps my trip to the bank).
After reading your comment about “stop trying”, maybe I just need to stop, unfortunately the battle continues internally, Brain: “you can’t afford it, get real, get a job” My gut/instinct: “go back, it’s where you belong”. For someone who has moved over 100 times in my 50+ years, finally finding somewhere I belong is like finding Nirvana, lols.
Now if I can just figure out the pesky bits in between I can get the heck outta here.
All the best Lisa
Cheers
Ha, yes, those pesky bits! I know what you mean. Best of luck! And thanks so much for sharing your story!!
My partner and I talked a lot about starting a family and when to start trying. For 6months now we said, “we need to own a house first”. We move into our own house in a week! Im sure my partner said something the other day like, “maybe it would be best to have a bigger family car first too…..” Our bank is obviously situated the other side of the country! 🙂
Ha ha. Yeah, Franco and I may have our own “bank” around that one too. Sounds like an exciting time. Congratulations on your new home!! Happy moving in:)
My biggest leap right now is in my faith. I find myself making “im tired ” excuses to skip church and” im just a horrible person my heart is too broken” to believe and trust God. I need to find the strength to do it.
Hi Crystal, this sounds like a challenging time. Don’t forget to go easy on yourself. Gentle, gentle. XX Lisa
Just wanted to share…I’ve been a huge procrastinator and fearful of change my whole life. Until my whole world was turned upside down with the revelation that my husband had cheated on me and was leaving me for the other woman…as a homemaker with no income or savings, I found myself without the option of procrastinating. Within ten days of him leaving, I had a job. And I kept that not-so-great job until something better came along. (Which it always does!) I now have an amazing job and work with people I now consider family. I’m sharing this to say to people-Live your life now. Life’s challenges don’t wait for a “good time” to occur. It took losing everything I had and loved to make me fearless about life. I am now happier and more confident than I have been in ten years! Get out there and live the life you want! And great job Lisa, always uplifting 🙂
Thanks for sharing your story, Annie! Very uplifting:) And congratulations.
I received a gift certificate to a dating site from my sister at Christmas. I would like to sign up and start meeting people. However, I don’t feel I am quite ready. If I were ready I would have joined a dating service myself. I had mentioned to my sister that I was considering doing so and was a bit taken back when I opened the envelope to find the certificate to join. It is not yet activated … Am I taking a trip to the bank? Thank you, Lisa, for the wonderful article and best of luck with your book!!!! Looking forward to hearing it is ready for us to read! ~ Sarah
Hi Sarah! Well, I don’t know. Honestly. However, I wouldn’t necessarily think that if you were “ready” you would have joined yourself. Or, conversely, that by not wanting to sign up you’re “taking a trip to the bank.” But how cool to have a certificate there for when/if you feel like using it. (Thank you, kind sister.) Other random thoughts: to trust that life will dish up the perfect dude/dudess when it’s ready. And to follow your gut whenever possible! And if you’re not getting a signal on what to do, I’d just hang, relax; and remind myself it’ll all be fine either way. I’m not sure I’m being very helpful! But I do wish you all the best!
I was going to ask you about this fear and procrastination thing, so cool to see you are onto it already. Ive spent a lot of time at the bank,now its time to hunker. Thanks for including the hunker example . great article.
Hi Sarah,
Yeah, hunkering is needed sometimes all right. I’ve just had a peek at your blog. Wonderful. I was moved. M.E. requires a bit of hunkering all right. Boy, what a spiritual guru M.E.’s is, I reckon.
Take care and hang in there. When I was in the middle of it, I was always heartened to know that people do seem to recover. I heard from a woman not long ago who is now tootling about the world, sailing and things!
Lots and lots of love! And thanks for saying hi!
XX
Hi Lisa! My mind is afraid of change it holds me back and doesn’t want to let go of old things. I have a father who doesn’t care for me so I find it hard to be in relationships coz my mind tells me men are like my father. I wanna do my learners license my mind says I will fail. I need help with this bullie mind of mind
Sounds like trying for your learners license is the perfect way to stand up to your mind. What’s the worst that can happen? You don’t pass. Then you sit it again. Also, the people who make the test know what it’s like to be a beginner. They want you to pass. Anyway, no shame in redoing it. (BTW, I recently sat my drivers license – I only had a NZ license and I live in the US now – I was nervous too!) Good luck!
I want to finish my studies. It has been 6 years that I’m studying now and I’m supposed to have finished 2 years ago. I want to finish my engineering studies and then do something else (like travelling or writing or teaching languages).
But everyday, when I have to do my homework or to work on my computer realizing the projects they are asking at university, it seems for me the hardest thing.
One day I succeed to start working and another day, I watch TV or spend hours on Facebook and Gmail doing nothing.
Thank you for this article. I loved your book by the way. And I wish you good luck for all your work because I love it and I love your smile!
All the best
Thanks Omar, and best wishes to you! Really appreciate your taking time to stop by and say hi:)